Life as it went Past 2006 -2007

[Atul Mathur]

20/Jan/2007
The set up is nice. The boss is a great motivator. He knows what he is talking about. He wants me to move in to the Leadership Club and start dishing out My Manager on global stuff to boost him up the ladder.

Cool, Not bad. Well, Process Group working and members are formed formally and kick started now. Next job is to get the reporting channels straight. This setup looks weird with me reporting to 4 people and none knowing my actual performance. This could be bad in future.

My Reporting Manager for appraisals is Mr. R; and the Process Group chairperson are Delivery Heads Mr. AC and Mr. AA. This is weird. I should be reporting to the Director-Quality, technically, but lets play along.

What the ??? One person quit!!!!

15/Feb/2007
DQ wants Mr. R to delegate and move up to handle Global Management, DQ stated this quite openly in front of me and other manager. I am starting to have my concerns on Mr R abilities; it is good for Mr R, if he takes this up, with his exposure and experience, it would value add his thinking. Well, lets see how it plays out.

Monthly meeting are happening, things are getting smooth to role out and eventually the QMS Architecture can be frozen conceptually. Need to tweak it to suit the CMMI version.
Quality Team is fumbling, am talking to nearly all members now in a personal rapport. There is discontent with the handling with Mr.R. Spoken to him on the growing discontent, he should listen what is the murmurings.


22/Feb/2007
Managed to have and also building good rapport with other delivery leads (middle level people), they have Good technical team so it would lead to align process at faster rate then imagined previously. Drawback is seen as QA team is too young and immature. Need to strengthen their fundamentals and relationship building with the rest of technical teams.

Architecture visualized and input to Mr R and send the basic ppt to chairpersons for feedback
Seems to start having more Non KRA’s been assigned by self. I would need to highlight this to the DQ soon.

Dad is not doing great with his Cancer. Medicines are not helping to control his PSA levels.

1/03/ 2007
Things are hotting up and stress levels increasing. This is not done. What is the delay??

I am yet to be formally informed about my appointment. This is the month when my probation ends. My Reporting Manager is says all is fine.

I do not think there is any communication gap in expectations, job allocations, work done, preparations, what am I missing??

We are in sync with each other in the functioning of PI program as planned. We would sit on the appraisal soon as promised by Mr. R. No indications for concerns and job are pushing smoothly.

Good! I am now deciding to move to closer to office. I have looked up a place nearby. My daily car travel of 200KM back and forth may soon be over. Office politics are bad here in the QA department. What is the reason for this???

Why is the team unhappy? Well, one team member has quit. Groupism is in play.

I am not interested in creating rifts, so lets see. Let me get the job done in hand. Suggested back to Mr. R to handle the group dynamics before it gets out of hand. This guy is not doing a great job as I had thought.

12/03/2007:
Shit has hit the roof. Mr. R, says,” i am not providing Visibility / Ownership; so extension of Probation to One more month”.XXXXXXXXX
I am foxed. What is the lack of visibility???
I asked him back to explain it :
>>>No answer.

What has prompted him or actions which have made him utter these???
>>No answer.

Okay then what is Ownership issue?? I am getting the same answer NIL.

What kind of an Mr R is he?
He does not have any answers to support my weakness. This is Bad. I think this guy works on just relationships. Let’s give it one more shot.

Okay, i shall agree to extension of Probation. Let’s try to get the issues concerned of Mr.R resolved and come back again in April.

If this does not work out, better stay at home and look after Dad.

15/March/2007
Choice to move in hand, Offer to respond to Pharma based Quality department to join.
Looks good, maybe I should go over and quit Headstrong.

17/March/2007
Let’s give one more shot to make things work in Headstrong.

20/March/2007
Shit, Mr R is responsible for creating rifts in QA group. Why is he doing so.??

Too late to join other company and quit this one. Shit, I messed up, got emotionally attached too soon, I think.

22/March/2007
Why is he not doing the Global work as asked by Big Boss.?? He does not want to work!! This guy is often bitching on DQ and stupid work of others, this is holy ground, I do not like this one bit.

Work level is increasing and stress is unnecessarily being increased to stupid conditions. I am getting bogged down by responses from both Manila and Bangalore for information on CMMI and how to go about it. Good, can help them now they are open to listen!!

25/March/2007
Workload is getting heavy. All replies are being processed and documents comments suggested to all groups. If things go smoothly like this, I should be able to wrap up the process documents by May.
Good, Rewrote the process document to suit the CMMI v1.2.

28/March/2007
Something is stinking!!!

12/April/2007
Appraisal letter is due. Looks like I would get it delayed.

Well, no issues if things are fine now with dedicated work and no reasons for complaining on work or commitment.
He cannot say anything, as he does not have any data to disprove.

Ha! Ha! Ha! ha! Cornered him now


18/April/2007 : Morning
Hectic schedule today.

All teams are in tandem, it would be completed as promised. Meetings are aligned from morning today.

Hey, Finally received the letter from HR. Well, see it later, now need to rush.

Why was Mr.R smirking away to glory? Just shoved the letter at my workplace and disappeared.
What !!!!
Extension of Probation to 3 Months. From March to June 2007.

18/April/2007 Afternoon

What is this??
When quizzed on this, Mr R says, “that my Ownership has improved, but using a “Consulting Mode” in my working style, have bad relationships with the fellow members”. “There is an expectation Mismatch possibly.”

What crap is he talking? I do not believe it.

There is No expectation Mismatch, even if there is, then why has it not been raised after 1 month post our discussion in March.

Even more so, why has it not been stated in the interim discussions?

We normally interact at hourly level, so why has it not been stated then??

Bull!! This is too much.

I am getting too many feelers nowadays. A lot of resentment is going on in the team. I have started to tune in more frequently.
This guy is not ready to move up ahead as the Big Boss wants to. He is not interested to get the company up. Yes there is a mismatch, that’s ME. WRONG MANAGER to work with.

How can I be working in consulting mode??
I am writing the reviews and the corrections of all process documents issued by all groups, then this is just one of the ploys he is creating for me to quit.

Meeting is on, lets get through these and talk to him at end of day.

SHIT, why did I have this Coffee, it tastes bad!!!!!, THIS COFFEE is SPIKED

NOVEMBER 02 ; 2:30 AM
The months from May to Oct have gone in a blur.

Finally, the SPIKED Coffee remnants were exonerated out of my body. I was bed ridden for a week with severe health issues (Un-describable).
Outcome was : Asked to leave, best as I was a misfit.
GOOD: I was able to dedicate my time with Dad.
Exorcism lives to purify the soul. Wow, at Corporate levels these things still occur.

The spectrum of CW extends to all phases of life from the Potter-mania to the chasms of literacy. The depths are really frightening!!!!

The extent was a one which had not taken my breath away but nearly wrecked my professional life and private life as a human being.

Why does one go about it only to gain short term benefits or pleasures, is the omnipresent query i have wondered since i started working at the Divisional Head levels about a decade back.

I feel pity and nothing but for the people who harm the individual for their material comforts. The Anger has now long gone away.

Striving to achieve excellence is the name of the game for each individual in the rat race of work, but when has human beings crossed the thin line of ethics and honesty, well that, is marred with footprints so deep that carbon testing would yield no results.

The Corporate Board Room is now no unfamiliar place, but gives me an feeling of sadness and depressions.

Corporate Warfare was at the best. I do not think I could have stooped to those levels anyday.

To change this is my mission since quite sometime.

The reactions have been borne and does not dampen thee spirit.
But an act of cruelty does shake my inner belief,
That we human shall not learn to live to grow together.

But the constant struggle to make ends meet,
Compel me take the cudgel again in this fight.
And I would strive at it again;
Seeking to find a place,
A place which does exist is certain parts of this world.

The Place would be where I can work with an easier bent of mind to add constructively to this Earth / Mother Nature to provide the happiness’ to mankind.